Absence of His Heart
by sweetwonderlnad
Summary: She'd known something was wrong the same second he'd enveloped her in the hug. She remembered the last time he had acted such - her being numb from the cold and having a hard time even functioning, but how the steady beat of his heart had calmed her. However, in the manor, she didn't hear a beat, and it undoubtedly worried her. Captain Swan Once Shot. Post 4x08


She'd known something was wrong the same second he enveloped her in the hug. She remembered the last time he had acted such - her being numb from the cold and having a hard time even functioning, but how the steady beat of his heart had calmed her. However, in the manor, she didn't hear a beat, and it undoubtedly worried her.

She questioned him the best she could, fearing his answer, but craving it.

"What's wrong?" He'd smiled, and fooled her momentarily, making her believe she'd been imagining.

She didn't think of it any further until later that night. Tucked in his arms with her head resting on his chest, her parents chatting away about everything and nothing, her son a floor away, she had started to drift of when the thought hit her again, the absence of a steady beat beneath in his leather and skin.

She gave him a desperate questioning look which he refused to respond, only tucking her further into his embrace. She let herself slip away into unconsciousness again with a reassurance to herself that whatever he was hiding would not affect tonight, and a promise to find out exactly what it was, tomorrow.

When she woke again she was alone. Panic settled in her chest. _He left. _

She slowly slipped from the covers and stepped onto the cold floor. Tiptoeing down the stairs she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding when a lightly snoring pirate came into her vision.

He looked peaceful sleeping on her parents' couch. At that state she once again started to believe her instincts were faulty. She bent by his side, admiring the lines on his face, features far to young to reveal his true age. That's what Neverland does to you, she guessed and snorted. The noise made him stir and she softly stroked his eyebrow, willing him to remain asleep.

Her heart ached for her dear pirate's sake. Despite so very different lives, they had some similarities. Their familiarity with loneliness being one. Abandonment, heartbreak, and closed of hearts being others. Her heart ached as she kept on stroking his face, for she knew the pain of it all, and would never wish it upon others, especially someone as the sleeping man lying before her.

She wasn't yet ready to admit to her feelings, since they frightened her beyond words, but not even Emma could deny the strong bonds starting to form. A promise of a future starting to take form. And even the thought of anything threatening that made tears cloud her vision.

"Swan? Emma, what are you doing up, love? Is something wrong?" She gasped lightly at the sudden sound. His hand was holding her wrist, her fingers resting just above his heart.

"Emma, what's wrong?" He questioned her again, eyes shining with worry. She attempted a halfhearted smile and intertwined their fingers, reveling in the firm feeling of his presence.

"Nothing's wrong. Just couldn't sleep." He looked unconvinced, but accepted her answer. After only a few moments he scooted over and patted on the space remaining. Lying down he once again enveloped her in his embrace and she could pretend everything was fine, pretending his chest wasn't painfully quiet, or that his desperation to have her close wasn't the same as hers. She fell asleep in his arms again, pushing away any unwanted thoughts, only letting warmth and love follow her to sleep.

The following days looked the same. Her going from being sure something was of and on the brink of stalking over to Gold's and request a truth potion, to cursing herself for her inability to read situations. The only thing she knew for sure, for better or worse, was that if she was right, she'd find out eventually.

And eventually came with a blow. The Snow Queen's curse hit and truths spilled from everywhere. In the end she was angry at both Killian and Gold, the first for not telling her about the consequences of his lefthand right away, and furious with the other for trying to manipulate her love. No one did that consequence.

She would make sure to have a few well chosen words with the imp, but with Belle in mind she decided to wait, letting the newlyweds solve their problems before she made Gold's life miserable. She had her pirate to deal with as well, a pirate who she happened to have shared a true loves kiss with.

"You love me?"

He had been quiet apart from a few sentences since she woke him, but apparently chose that moment to speak up. She was pacing the space filling the station, gathering words for everything she wanted to say. When his words reached her ears however, she moved over to him and caught him of guard with her lips to his.

"Yes, stupid. I love you. That doesn't mean I'm not angry though," she said and saw his eyes fall a bit.

"You should have told me." She whispered the words and he didn't meet her eyes.

"I know."

No, _I couldn't_. No, _It would have made no difference_. Only, _I know_. It pained her to see him like that, broken and scared. She tilted his head until he looked at her again.

"I love you. I still love you. I'm angry but I still love you. Otherwise that kiss would not have worked, and you know that."

"I know, and I love you, love, you know _that_. I have no excuses for not telling you, or for my idiocy when I trusted the crocodile. I just didn't want to lose you. I guess that didn't work out."

"What do you mean by that, Killian?"

"I'm nothing, Swan. I lied to you."

"I'm not leaving you if that's what you think. Please tell me you don't actually think I'll leave you after everything?"

"You deserve better."

"I don't want better. I want you."

He looked confused for a second before daring his hand up and tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear. He gathered words for so long that she didn't think he'd speak again, but at last he did.

"You're not leaving?"

She almost laughed at the look of doubt on his face.

"I love you, you infuriating pirate. I love you, every part of you. I love you so much you'll never have to worry about being stuck in a curse ever again. I love you, Killian. I'm not leaving."

**_Fin _**


End file.
